


tell me where they keep the rain

by tboi



Category: Persona 3
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Found Family, M/M, Post-Canon, Selectively Mute Character, Sign Language, Twin Minato and Minako
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-15 19:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18675877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tboi/pseuds/tboi
Summary: “We forgot,” Mitsuru laments. “We forgot about you, until…”“You remembered,” Minako reminds her. “You remembered us.”We love you, Minato says, unsure of what else to say.You’re our family.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my epic everyone lives/nobody dies au because i can't help myself apparently. shoutout to isa for this one
> 
> i write minato as selectively mute - he communicates exclusively in JSL. i've gone over it in my other fic tell it to the volcano, if you're interested. this fic is not set in that universe but some things from it still apply, e.g. the majority of the team learning JSL for minato.
> 
> this is currently published as a oneshot but it will have other pieces/chapter that fit in with this - so if some things seem kind of vague, i Probably Plan To Write About That in a later instalment.
> 
>  
> 
> i'm on twitter @neroscaeva/tumblr @ ikesoren if you want to talk Pear Sona to me feel free
> 
> comments much appreciated as always! let me know if anything needs fixed

Minako and Minato face Death together.

 

She holds his hand, his grip tight and terrified. 

 

“We can seal it,” Minako realises. “We can seal it away.”

 

_ Both of us?  _ Minato asks, frantic. 

 

“No,” Minako says. “Half - if we use half of our power each, we can…”

 

_ We can go back,  _ Minato realises. 

 

Orpheus and his sister tear themselves from the twin’s souls. The twin’s souls tear themselves from their bodies. The Universe’s power surrounds them.

 

The Personas slice the souls in half, clean across the middle, and send them barrelling towards Death itself.

 

—

 

“I’ll see you again,” Nyx’s Avatar promises with Ryoji’s voice, it’s hand cupping Minato’s face. He holds it there for just a second, lets the touch linger. He lets go.

 

—

 

“They don’t remember,” Minako kicks the end of Minato’s desk in frustration before flopping down onto his bed next to him. “Akihiko called me Arisato today!”

 

_ We knew this might happen,  _ he reminds her, tries to pretend he’s not as miserable about it as she is. Junpei called  _ him  _ Arisato today, too.  _ We knew the risks. _

 

“I know that!” she objects, trying to smooth her skirt out from the awkward angle she’s currently in. “But we also went up against Nyx  _ expecting  _ to die.” Minato hums in agreement.

 

_ Maybe they’ll remember?  _ he offers.  _ On Graduation Day, like they promised? _

 

“We can only hope, I suppose,” she rolls over to face him, propping her chin up in her hands. “How do you feel?”

 

_ Tired, I guess,  _ he tells her. He supposes that’s the word for it - this bone deep sense that something is gone and missing, an ache he cannot patch up.  _ Kind of...empty? _

 

“Mhm,” Minako hums in agreement. “I think that probably has to do with the way we sealed Nyx away. Those were our souls, you know.”

 

_ I know. _

 

“And we just kind of...cut them in half.”

 

_ I know. _

 

“Hm,” she says. “Hum.”

 

_ What? _

 

“Well, I mean. Do you think that has an affect on. Our lifespans? Or something?”

 

_ I mean,  _ Minato mulls it over. He doesn’t know much about the soul - knows it was where he ripped his Persona from, knows it was how his friend’s calls had met them in what he had presumed to be his final moments, but.  _ Maybe?  _ he offers.  _ I guess it would make sense if they were halved as a result. _

 

“Oh, sure,” Minako says. “Would make perfect sense. Like that entire situation did, definitely.” She nods in faux understanding. Minato elbows her gently. 

 

_ I just feel like something is missing,  _ he admits.  _ But it was there before we sealed Nyx away. _

 

“Oh,” Minako says, her gaze trained on the ceiling. Neither of them are good at eye contact. “Ryoji?” she offers. Minato shrugs.

 

_ Probably. _

 

—

They sit on the rooftop together, Aigis’ fingers threading their way through Minako’s hair, her head on her lap. Minato sees the way they look at eachother - it makes heat rise to his cheeks, the intimacy of the moment.

 

Their friends come barreling through the door to the rooftop all at once, tripping over each other. Their arms wrap around all three of them, laughter and joy and wonder. Minato buries his head into Akihiko’s chest.

 

“How did you,” Mitsuru starts at the group breaks away, teary-eyed. “What did you do?”

 

_ We split the burden,  _ Minato explains.

 

“We had the power to seal Nyx away,” Minako explains. “Once we reached her. But it was…”

 

_ One of us had to die for it,  _ Minato says.  _ The ability lay within our souls, so… _

 

“So we would have used our souls to seal her,” Minako continues. “But we split our souls in half, so.”

 

“Soooo…” Junpei says. “So?”

 

_ So we sealed Nyx with the power of a whole soul, but without either of us having to die in the process.  _

 

“What does that mean for you now, though?” Mitsuru asks. “Surely carving your soul in half can’t be good…”

 

“Understatement of the year,” Akihiko murmurs under his breath. Minato shrugs in response.

 

“We don’t know the effect it’s had yet,” Minako says. “And we probably won’t know for a while. A logical conclusion is that we’ve halved our lifespans as a result, but.”

 

_ We won’t know till we drop dead at thirty, I guess. _ Minako elbows him hard for the remark.

 

“Geez,” Yukari says. “You know Japan’s life expectancy is eighty-three, right?” Minato snickers, makes no attempt to hide it behind his hand.

 

“Yuka-tan, that’s terrible,” Junpei groans. “This is a serious situation.”

 

“One we can’t do anything about,” Yukari reminds him “at least for the time being.” Minato shrugs. She’s not wrong.

 

“She’s not wrong,” Minako parrots his thought out loud. “I’m just - we’re all here, now. I think that’s enough. That has to be enough.” She sits up, moving from Aigis’ lap to rest her head on her shoulder. Aigis raises her hand to brush the hair out of Minako’s face.

 

“I suppose you’re right,” Mitsuru says, unsatisfied. “I promise to look into this for you two, okay?” 

 

_ Thanks,  _ Minato says.

 

“Can we get ramen?” Minako asks.

 

—

 

Fuuka slides into the seat next to him at the restaurant, orders for him. 

 

“Do you really feel okay?” she asks quietly. Minato nods.

 

_ Mostly,  _ he says.  _ I feel like I’m missing something, but… _

 

“That’s how I felt, ever since…” she trails off. “Well, since you stopped Nyx. Except I couldn’t remember that you’d stopped Nyx. I’m sorry.”

 

_ Don’t be,  _ he says as their food is placed in front of them. Minako already has her mouth full.  _ It was a risk we were all aware of, and were all willing to take. _

 

“It felt like memories were bleeding in from a different universe,” she admits. “A different life, maybe. I would have lunch under the  persimmon  tree by myself, and it almost felt right.”

 

_ We used to eat lunch there,  _ Minato reminds her, perhaps unnecessarily. Fuuka nods.

 

“I know. I remember that now. It was so...strange,” she picks at her food. “Like the cosmos were trying to pull us back together.”

 

_ It’s a nice thought,  _ Minato says. Something pulls at his soul, half gone.

 

—

 

The feeling stays. It gets stronger as the weeks go by, through April. He feels pangs of nostalgia visiting the music store, the cafe at Paulownia Mall, when he stays up at night looking at train tickets to Kyoto. It bubbles up inside him like vomit, and he’s desperate to be rid of it - it’s so heavy, it feels so bad.

 

He feels so alone, nestled into Minako’s side, tries to explain. It feels like he’s missing a limb, an eye, half of his heart.

 

“Do you think he’s…” she trails off, echoing his thoughts. Minato shakes his head.

 

_ Don’t,  _ he signs shakily. 

 

“Everyone else is still here,” she wraps her arm around him and presses him into her side. “We love you.”

 

_ I know,  _ he says, because he does. He knows, he knows, he knows. He has a family. Someone is still missing.  _ You know I’d do it myself, if I had to? _

 

“Do what?” Minako asks softly.

 

_ Seal Nyx away,  _ he says.  _ I’d stand guard for eternity if it kept them safe. _

 

“Me too,” Minako says, her voice fierce and strong. “If the day comes where Nyx requests the rest of our souls…” Minato finds her hand, squeezes it softly.

 

_ Of course,  _ he promises.  _ Of course. _

 

—

 

“I want you both to know, I’m doing all I can,” Mitsuru tells the two of them when they’re sprawled out in the lounge one night. Minato is strewn across a couch, Minako sitting cross legged on the floor using his laptop to play Runescape. She’s scamming people. Minato watches with a sort of detached fascination. 

 

“What do you mean?” Minako doesn’t look up, avoiding eye contact.

 

“With regards to what you did with Nyx,” Mitsuru continues, her arms crossed over her chest. “I’m trying to research souls, to try and see if we can expect any lingering effects,” she sighs. “It’s - not easy. I won’t lie. There isn’t much on the topic, but some information is buried down in the company’s archives. It was relevant ten years ago, I suppose.”

 

_ We appreciate it,  _ Minato tells her.  _ Really. But don’t stress yourself out over this.  _ He moves his feet to let her sit on the end of the couch.

 

“How can I not?” she asks, smile watery. “You are our dearest friends, and you did so much for us.”

 

“We did it together,” Minako reminds her, meets her eyes. Red meeting red. “Don’t sell yourselves short just because you didn’t actually seal Nyx away.” 

 

“We forgot,” Mitsuru laments. “We forgot about you, until…”

 

“You  _ remembered _ ,” Minako reminds her. “You  _ remembered  _ us.”

 

_ We love you,  _ Minato says, unsure of what else to say.  _ You’re our family. _

 

Mitsuru’s face breaks out in a grin.

 

—

 

“I missed you, you know,” Minako says one night in Aigis’ room. Her charging station has been replaced with a bed, and they lie on it now.

 

“I missed you also,” Aigis says. Her speech still sounds robotic, but her feelings are evident in every sentence she speaks. She can taste food now, too. “I am sorry I did not contact you before Graduation,” she pauses. “I feared my reaction if you, too, had forgotten.”

 

“It’s okay,” Minako says softly, reaches to brush Aigis’ hair out of her face. She’s beautiful, blue eyes the exact opposite from Minako’s own. “I didn’t forget.”

 

“I know that,” Aigis says. She smiles. Her cheeks are dusted a pale pink. “I could not forget you, even if I wanted to.”

 

“Mhm,” Minako hums. “We’re okay now,” she reminds her, as much for herself as for Aigis.

 

“Yes,” Aigis smiles. Runs her hands through Minako’s hair. “I will always be here to protect you.”

 

—

 

“So,” Junpei leans over the couch to look Minato in the eyes. He’s half asleep in the lounge, summer heat going to his head. There’s no air conditioning in here.

 

_ So,  _ he signs lazily. Raises his eyebrows.

 

“Man, I don’t know how to start this conversation,” Junpei whines. “Do you mind doing me a favour, man?” Minato nods at him. “So,” Junpei says again. Minato gestures for him to sit.

 

“I’m going to go visit Chidori,” Junpei says. He’s picking at his nails as he talks. “Do you wanna...come with me? I haven’t been in a while,” he smiles gently. “I wanna be like - surprise! End of the world averted! Here’s half of the reason,” he laughs shakily. “And I dunno what flowers to buy her.”

 

_ Sure,  _ Minato says.  _ Of course. _

 

“Thanks, man,” Junpei heaves out a sigh and lets his body go limp, leaving him half off and half on the couch. “I appreciate it. A lot.”

 

_ I know,  _ Minato says.  _ You don’t have to say thanks.  _

 

“I do, though,” Junpei looks up at him. He doesn’t force eye contact - he knows how uncomfortable it makes Minato feel. “For like, this whole. Thing.”

 

_ I’d do it again,  _ Minato says.  _ Anytime.  _ Junpei looks at him, eyes wide.

 

“Geez,” he says. “Heart’s a heavy burden, huh?”

 

_ Tulips are in season right now,  _ Minato says. Junpei buys Chidori a whole bouquet. 

 

—

 

Akihiko approaches them both when June is in full swing. Minato is fanning Minako lazily with his hands as she lies on the floor, half awake.

 

“I’m going to the hospital,” he tells them.

 

_ Everything okay?  _ Minato asks. Akihiko shrugs.

 

“I’m going to see Shinji,” he tells them. “I used to go every week, but. I haven’t been since the end of April.”

 

“Why not?” Minako asks, unafraid. 

 

“He’s,” Akihiko trails off, then sets his shoulders. “He’s still asleep. It got...hard. Especially since, when the Dark Hour went, I forgot…”

 

“You forgot about him?” Minako asks. “But he’s still...he still exists?”

 

“Yes?” Akihiko raises his eyebrows at her. “Mitsuru thinks that, while the memories and evidence of events that occurred during the Dark Hour were erased, the effects on people’s lives weren’t? It’s like how Ken’s mom was officially stated to have died in an accident,” he shrugs. “She stayed dead, even though she died during the Dark Hour. Shinji was shot, and he fell into a coma. We got him  _ out  _ of the Dark Hour, and into hospital, so. He remained as he was.”

 

_ We don’t get it either,  _ Minato says helpfully. Akihiko laughs.

 

“Do you want us to come?” Minako sits up. Akihiko nods.

 

“If you want to,” he says, like it’s even a question.

 

Minato suggests they buy Shinjiro a bouquet of  _ tsubaki.  _

 

—

 

_ Mitsuru, huh?  _ Minato wiggles his eyebrows at Yukari who’s sprawled out on his floor because he has a giant fan in his room, and she does not.

 

“Geez,” she says, huffing. “It’s not like it was a secret before! It’s been a thing since we went onf that school trip to Kyoto!”

 

_ Really?  _ Minato blinks. He’s more oblivious than he thought.

 

“Yeah?” Yukari blinks back at him. “You really didn't notice?” He shakes his head.

 

_ I’m glad the month of memory loss didn’t throw a wrench into your budding romance,  _ he says. He can sort-of joke about the situation with her - Yukari is always willing to crack vaguely inappropriate jokes. 

 

“Thanks,” she snorts. “We had to talk about it. A lot.” She wrings her hands together. “We had the memories, but it took a while to get them sorted, I guess. It’s like I was someone else for a month.” She sighs. “It must’ve sucked for you two, huh?”

 

_ Remembering?  _ Minato asks. Yukari nods.  _ I mean. Being the only ones who remembered, was…  _ he tries to reach for the right words to form.  _ I guess it was lonely, but. I didn’t regret it. You were and are my friends, and even if you all forgot that, me and Minako would always know.  _ He swallows thickly.  _ We always had the memories, and it was enough to tide us over. _

 

“Aw,” Yukari says, voice cracking. “Come here.” She holds her arms out for him and he nestles himself in them, lets her cry quietly into his hair.

 

“I’m glad we remembered,” she says after a long time. “It felt like coming home. When we all stood up during the ceremony, and locked eyes, I…” her voice trails off. “It was like seeing my family again, after a long time away.”

 

_ It felt like that for me too,  _ Minato says. Yukari doesn’t see him say it, her eyes closed.

 

—

 

Minato dreams of Ryoji.

 

He dreams of Ryoji all the time. Sometimes Ryoji is wearing the Avatar’s face, eyes and mouth hollow, his hair shoulder length billowing out from behind him. Other time it’s just him, beauty mark below his right eye, scarf wrapped tightly around his neck.

 

Ryoji never speaks to him. He looks at him, and his gaze says enough. It’s alway sad, the blue bleeding into the iris of his eye. He looks at Minato like he longs to touch him, but he never does.

 

This time, they sit together. Last time, they had stared at each other on the Moonlight Bridge, and said nothing. Minato dips his feet into the water of the river they’d sat by in Kyoto on the school trip. It turns red and thick and sticky.

 

He does not pull his foot back, even as the blood begins to snake its way up his leg. Ryoji looks at him.

 

_ Death,  _ the sky says.  _ Death,  _ the ground echoes. Minato shakes his head.

 

_ It didn’t take me,  _ he signs.  _ It didn’t take you, either, did it? _

 

Ryoji says nothing.

 

Minato awakens with a jolt and knows,  _ soon _ . The moon hangs low in the sky, daring him to reach for it. He’s afraid it’ll open up again, Nyx in its maw.

 

—

 

“The bridge?” Minako asks him one night at the door of the dorm, the light from the moon filtering through the huge glass doors. The movie night is on pause, because he’d jumped up and left out of nowhere, urgency making his hands shake. “Why are you going there?”

 

_ I just feel like I have to,  _ Minato admits.  _ I know it doesn’t make any sense, but… _

 

“No,” Minako says, a far away look in her eyes. “No, I think it does.” She pats him on the shoulder. “I’ll cover for you. Here,” she pulls her red peacoat off the rack at the door and hands it to him. “I know it’s June, but it’s nearly midnight.”

 

_ Thanks,  _ he says, smiles softly at her. He cannot imagine a life without her.  _ I’ll be back. _

 

“Well, yeah,” she puts her hands on her hips. “Don’t be out late!” She pushes him out the door and heads back into the lounge. The air is warm, but Minato tends to feel any sliver of cold that manages to weave itself into the air, so he pulls his sister’s coat on. It’s long on him, because she’s taller than him.

 

He walks. His feet guide him through Iwatodai, past the fountain in the middle of Paulownia Mall, past the alley where he knows the Velvet Room no longer waits. He hasn’t dreamt of Igor and Elizabeth in months. 

 

He cuts through a field to try and get to the bridge faster, urgency in his heart. It’s dark, but the moon cuts bright in the sky. He tries to believe he’s imagining that it looks bigger, somehow, looming. 

 

There is someone standing there, like he hoped there would be. He isn’t facing him, his gaze trained up on the moon, scarf billowing out from behind him, a permanent affixture to his silhouette. Minato stands mere feet away.

 

“You came,” Ryoji says, his voice rough. He sounds tired. “I didn’t think…”

 

_ You didn’t think I’d come?  _ Minato asks.  _ After everything?  _ Ryoji shakes his head, turns to face him properly.

 

“It’s not that,” he says. “I didn’t think you were still  _ alive _ .” Minato looks at him in stunned silence.

 

_ How could you not know?  _ he asks.  _ Have you not… _

 

“Been back the whole time? No,” Ryoji shakes his head. “I awoke a few days ago, in a hotel room in Kyoto. The nice old lady there told me she’d found me passed out next to the river. My feet took me here. I dreamt of you,” he admits. “I remembered everything, and I dreamt of you, and I thought you were dead.”

 

_ I don’t get it,  _ Minato says, desperately. How could he think he was dead? Did he not see how they sealed Nyx?

 

“I,” Ryoji is searching for the words to explain it. “I think. That,” he swallows thickly. “Something kept a part of me here, sown into the ground, for when I was next needed. I had assumed that would be the next time Nyx was called to reap judgement, but,” he gestures grandly. “Evidently that is not the case. She is not coming back for a long, long time, and yet here I stand. Here  _ we  _ stand.”

 

_ Minako is okay too,  _ he tells him.  _ In case you didn’t know. _

 

“I wasn’t sure,” Ryoji says, and then, “what did you do?”

 

_ How do you not know?  _ he asks.  _ You were there. _

 

“I was entrusted the role of Avatar at the time,” Ryoji says. “I don’t know how to explain that, while I was - am,” he sounds so unsure “Death, I did not follow you to Death’s door itself. I do not know what you did to seal Nyx away, just that you did, and that it was over.”

 

_ It takes a soul,  _ Minato starts.  _ To seal Nyx away. We were entrusted with the power of the Universe, and it still took a soul. So we halved our souls, Minako and I, and…  _ he trails off.

 

“So neither one of you would have to die,” Ryoji murmurs. “I see.”

 

_ Do you know anything about that?  _ Minato asks.  _ Have we doomed ourselves?  _ Ryoji shakes his head.

 

“No,” he tells him. He’s so sure of it. “This mortal life you have right now? This is it. Your lifespan is fine, your body is fine, but,” he stops. “When Death comes to collect, and cannot find a full soul.” He shakes his head. “I cannot say what will happen. Your incomplete soul may not pass onto the next life at all.”

 

_ I don’t regret it,  _ Minato tells him.  _ I don’t. _

 

“Of course you don’t,” Ryoji smiles at him softly, sad round the edges. “How could you? Your heart is the kindest sound I’ve ever heard.”

 

_ Please come here,  _ Minato asks.  _ Please.  _ He opens his arms, throws the gates open. Ryoji rushes to meet him, throws himself into his hold.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry.” Minato rubs his back.

 

_ Can we go home?  _ he asks.  _ Will you come with me?  _ Ryoji nods his head, entwines their fingers together. 

 

He doesn’t let go all the way back to the dorm. The air outside is warm. The voices that greet them are warmer.

 

Minato smiles. His family portraits are no longer missing someone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The knowledge of Death,” (Mitsuru) murmurs. “What a burden to bear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> isa : ryoji gets cluster headaches because hes human now and hes burdened with 4.543 billion years worth of knowledge   
> me : Genius.
> 
> warnings for vague description of eye trauma and the pain that comes along with cluster headaches in this chapter. i dont know how accurate my portrayal is - if i got something wrong dont be afraid to let me know
> 
> im not entirely sure what im doing with this series as the ending of this, like, jumps very far forward, but. itll prob just be short semi-connected chapters when i feel like it...i want to write about Now Actually Human ryojis relationships w SEES in general so. p_p also probably go into the meta regarding that...the meta that is all in my head bc p3 didnt really explain that much lol. speaking of i know ryoji was like im going back to sleep at the end of p3 as opposed to like, nyx, but. (i giggle)
> 
> let me know what you think if you have time! 6_6 tysm ! long author notes are my speciality ! ! !

Ryoji adjusts to life as a human, and nothing more, as best as he can.

After the initial shock, after Minato brings him back to the dorm, hands shaking, Ryoji requests a room there. No-one else moved in after Nyx, and the seniors are moving out at the end of summer, so. 

His room is on the third floor, where Minato will be moving after he enters his senior year. It’s Shinjiro’s old room. 

“Are you staying here over the summer?” Ryoji asks one afternoon, lying on Minato’s floor. He nods.

_ I don’t really have anywhere to go back to, anyway,  _ he shrugs.  _ Are you coming back to school? _

“Um,” Ryoji considers the question for a moment. “I guess? I can just tell them I had to move back, I guess.” he shrugs. “I didn’t really give it any thought.” 

_ You’ll have to enroll again,  _ Minato reminds him.  _ But I don’t think it’ll be an issue. It’s barely mid-June. _

“Let’s hope so, then,” Ryoji says, and then “ah.” He presses his hand to his forehead, pain blossoming in the right side of his head all of a sudden. He is suddenly very aware of the way his eyes are set into his skull. It feels like they might burst out.   
_ Are you okay?  _ Minato asks. Ryoji doesn’t see him ask, because his eyes are squeezed shut as he tries to wrangle with the pain. It’s like someone’s grabbing the flesh of his face with the intention to peel it off, raking their nails across his skull, their fingers digging underneath the bone. It  _ hurts _ .

“It hurts,” he vocalises, sitting up. He can hear Minato move from the bed to kneel beside him. Ryoji slams his head into his palms, sudden and violent. Minato grabs onto his wrists, makes a sharp noise of disapproval.    
“Can you turn the light off,” Ryoji asks, hears Minato quickly shuffle up from beside him to do just that. He can see the room fall into darkness behind his eyelids and deems it safe to open his eyes again. The pain is getting worse.

_ Should I get someone?  _ Minato asks, his hands barely visible in the dark. Ryoji shakes his head and immediately regrets it.

“Give it a minute,” he gasps, sweat dragging itself down his face. “I don’t-,” he slams his face into the palms of his hands again, trying to alleviate the pain even slightly. Minato roughly grabs his wrists this time, holds them away from him, makes a panicked sound as Ryoji tries to pull his knees up to slam his head into, instead. Minato drops his wrists and makes a beeline for the door.

_ Just a sec,  _ he signs, hurriedly before leaving the room. Ryoji presses his palms into his eyes, the pain ripping itself through the right side of his head like a knife through butter, over, and over, and over. He can hear his blood pounding.

He’s never felt anything like it, never, never. He tries to pinpoint what this could be, what’s causing it, but thinking just makes his head hurt  _ worse _ , which he hadn’t thought possible. He gives up and rolls onto his side, buries his face in his scarf. He feels sick. He hears two sets of shoes barrelling up the stairs, and the sound reverberates in his head heavily. Minato and whoever it is walk into the room, softly shut the door behind them.

“Ryoji,” it’s Mitsuru. Probably would have been his first choice, too. “Can you hear me?”

“Yes,” he says, his voice hurting his ears. “I don’t know what’s wrong?”

_ He just started grabbing his head,  _ Minato explains to her.  _ And then he was slamming it into his hands. _ Mitsuru makes a noise of disapproval. 

“Is it only in one side of your head?” she asks. He nods. 

“The right,” he says after a short pause. “It’s - my eye-”

“It sounds like a cluster headache,” Mitsuru says, puts her hand on his shoulder in what he thinks is supposed to be reassurance. “There’s not much we can do, until it stops by itself.”

“Great,” Ryoji moans, still lying on his side. “Well, I’ll let you know when that is.”

“Do you want water?” Mitsuru asks. He nods. “Minato,” she says, and Ryoji hears him scurry out the room. The silence is awkward.

“Do you think-” she starts, and then stops herself. Never one to be rude.

“Probably,” Ryoji says, his voice strained. “I don’t have the powers I had anymore,” he’d explained this to them all, huddled round him in the lounge on the night Minato had brought him back from the bridge, arms shaking. That was barely two weeks ago. “So, maybe-”

“Do you still remember everything, though?” she asks. “Everything you knew?”

“Yes,” Ryoji says, thinks about how he can speak Latin. His head throbs. “Ow.”

“The knowledge of Death,” she murmurs. “What a burden to bear.” Ryoji tries not to think about it, because that makes it worse. He hears Minato re-enter the room.

“We just have to wait it out,” Mitsuru explains. Her tone is sympathetic, but far-away. “Let me know when he’s feeling better.” Minato must say something to her, but Ryoji isn’t sure what, his face still pressed into his scarf. He hears the door click shut gently. Minato presses the glass of water into his outstretched hand, tries to help him sit up.

“Thanks,” Ryoji says shakily, the pain slightly more bearable. Minato wraps his arms around his waist and lays his chin on Ryoji’s shoulder. Sighs.

They sit like that for a while, as the pain begins to ebb out of Ryoji’s head, like blood dripping onto the pavement. His face is wet.

 

\--

 

“So,” Mitsuru says later, sitting at the kitchen table. It’s late. Ryoji had only mustered the energy to move half an hour after it had stopped. “Forgive me for jumping ahead, but I believe that this is probably due to you being fully human now.”

“It’s fine,” Ryoji takes a sip of the tea she made for him. It doesn’t taste of anything. “I believe you’re probably right.” He tries to recall something, anything, bring a phrase in Latin to his lips. His head throbs at the attempt and he rubs his temples. “Definitely right,” he says.

“I see,” she looks at him with concern. Ryoji can hear Minako talking upstairs, presumably to Minato. “Do you have any idea why this has only just happened now?”

“No,” Ryoji says. It’s - strange. He’s been human for thirteen days, now - he has no idea why it’s taken this long for any issues to crop up. Unlucky number, he supposes.

“That concerns me,” Mitsuru tells him. “If this was, say, like a regular cluster headache - which is what it sounds akin to - I’d expect you to be having them for the next few weeks,” she stops to take a sip of her own tea. “But this isn’t regular.”

“Evidently,” Ryoji says. Swirls his finger in his tea. “I suppose we’ll have to see.”

“I suppose,” Mitsuru says. It bothers her, being unable to do anything. “I am sorry I cannot do more.”

“You don’t have to,” Ryoji looks up at her, the blue of his eyes bleeding into the iris. “It’s deserved, I think.”

“Do you really believe that?” she asks. She doesn’t seem surprised. Ryoji shrugs.

“Logically, no,” he explains. “I know I...didn’t know. What I was. But I still was,” he pauses and clicks his teeth. “I was still the Harbinger, even though I didn’t know it. Being blind doesn’t absolve me.” He meets her eyes. “I expected you all to hate me, honestly. I was reluctant to come back here.”

“I know,” Mitsuru’s smile is sly. “You almost ran out the room.” Ryoji groans. “But none of us ever…” she trails off to think it over. “None of us ever hated you, Ryoji,” she says. “You were and are our friend.”

“Ah,” Ryoji says, tries not to choke on the words. “I appreciate it,” he says finally. He looks over and notices the twins standing on the stairs. He hadn’t noticed the voices upstairs stop.

“Oops,” Minako says, and waves at him.

 

\--

 

_ So, you get headaches because you’re so smart? You know too much?  _ Minato asks him in an attempt to lighten the mood, threading his fingers through Ryoji’s hair the next night. The headache had returned as Mitsuru had sort-of predicted, and sweat covers his face. The only light in the room comes from the moon, almost full in the sky.

The headache had only lasted half an hour - Mitsuru said they could last for up to three. Ryoji shudders at the thought, human after all.

“Of course,” Ryoji says, his voice strained. Minato gently pats his cheek. “I don’t know why it’s presenting itself this way, though,” he swallows thickly. “Or if it’ll ever stop.”

_ Mitsuru is a Kirijo,  _ Minato reminds him.  _ She’s already looking into it. _

“I know,” he sighs. “I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but we know  _ why  _ they’re happening. I don’t really see the point in seeing a doctor about it.”

_ They might be able to help make them less painful,  _ Minato offers.  _ At the very least. _

“Hm,” Ryoji closes his eyes. “I hope so.”

 

\--

 

The headaches continue. They get  _ worse _ , somehow. Ryoji relents and sees a doctor after a week of feeling like has face was being peeled off. Mitsuru has the appointment lined up within twenty minutes.

 

( _ “I’ve never been to a doctor before,” he told the twins the evening before, settled in the lounge. “Do you have any idea what they used to use when performing eye surgery?” _

_ Yes, Minato said. Cocaine. They still use it. _ _   
_ _ “No they don’t!” Ryoji guffawed. “Right? I can’t even fact-check that.” _ _   
_ _ “They do,” Minako said, deadly serious. “Honest.”) _ _   
_ __   
  


 

Ryoji thinks about this conversation as the doctor frowns at him. Her dyed hair sits at her shoulders.

“Well,” she says with a click of her tongue. “I’m going to order a CT scan, so that we can rule out things like aneurysm or a tumour,” she looks up at him over her glasses. “Or not. I suppose we’ll see.”

“Thanks,” he says, flatly. He’s coming to grips with sarcasm fast, mostly due to the fact he’s almost constantly around an Arisato. “When?”

“Now, if you’ve got the time,” she says. Her voice drips with sarcasm. He looks at the time - it’s barely past three. His headaches have been starting around seven. He nods.

\--

He leaves the doctor’s office reassured that he does not have a tumour, and that he is not having an aneurysm. He also leaves with a prescription for Zomig.    
“I’d like to keep you here for medical observation,” the doctor tells him, “but since this is the first time you’ve experienced these, I’m opting to prescribe you something in tablet form, first. I want to see you again tomorrow, same time, but take these tonight once it starts. Usually you’d be taking them at the same time every week, but.” She sent him off with a shrug.   
He barely had to wait for the results -  _ Kirijo _ , he thinks - he’s back at the dorm by five. Everyone is gathered round the kitchen table already eating, as he kicks his shoes off at the entrance. He keeps his scarf around his neck, comforting in its weight.

“You know it’s almost July, right?” Junpei calls to him from across the room. “Why are you still wearing that thing?”   
“It’s comfy,” he shoots back.    
“Uh huh,” Junpei says around a mouthful of food. “A sweaty neck isn’t though. Kinda gross, dude.”    
Ryoji shrugs. He doesn’t really notice it. He’s not sure why he hasn’t ditched the scarf, honestly - his shirt and suspenders had been swapped out mid-way through June for short sleeves, his slacks swapped for something with thinner material. Minako had insisted on taking him shopping.

The scarf stays, though, a comfort.

“Come eat dinner with us,” Yukari says. “We left you some.”

“You get leftovers!” Ken says enthusiastically. Yukari elbows him.

“Ken!” she says, then, “they’re not leftovers.” The pink tint to her cheeks suggests otherwise.

_ It’s good,  _ Minato says. Ryoji slides into the empty seat next to him.

“How was the appointment?” Mitsuru asks, all business. 

“Ask me later,” Ryoji says, picking up his fork and poking at what is definitely last night’s dinner reheated. “I’m starving.”

\--

“So?” Mitsuru says, later. It’s near half six by the time the table disperses, and it’s just them and the twins there, now. Minako is fiddling with the TV across the room.

“CT scan,” he says. “Nothing there. She prescribed me something,” he fishes the box out of his pocket and waves it in front of her face. Mitsuru reads the box, a slight crease in-between her brows.

“And you’re just to take this tonight?” she asks. Ryoji nods.

“Once it starts,” he tells her. “So. Soon.”

“Well,” she stands up. “I hope it helps, even slightly.”

_ Come on,  _ Minato grabs his hand gently and leads him up the stairs. The lights are already off in his room, a glass of water on his bedside table. Ryoji lies down on his bed.

“You know,” Ryoji says. “We should talk about this, probably.”

_ What?  _ Minato is sitting on the floor, but he has his arms crossed on the bed, his chin propped up on them. His hands move slowly.

“I sleep in your bed more than I sleep in my own,” Ryoji says. “It’s - I mean.” Minato shrugs.

_ Feels right,  _ he says, as if it explains anything.  _ Having you back feels right.  _

“Ah,” Ryoji says softly. His entirely human heart beats too fast. “Before I knew, before Nyx…” he trails off. “I wanted something. A future, maybe.”

_ And now?  _ Minato asks, his eyes bright.

“I still want it,” Ryoji admits, his voice barely a whisper. The pain blooms behind his eye, just on cue. “Ah. Pass me the water.”

\--

_ Me too,  _ Minato says later. The medication helped - the effect had been fairly fast, and while the pain was still piercing, it was more like someone was sawing at his skull with a butterknife instead of a cleaver.   
Painful. Uncomfortable. He’s sweating, the way he had before, but he hadn’t tried to slam his head into the wall this time. It’s an improvement.

“What?” Ryoji says, his brain finally catching up. Minato is nestled into his right side, barely any room in the bed.

_ What you said earlier,  _ he signs, exasperated.    
“Oh,” Ryoji says dumbly. He pulls his scarf over his face. “Really?” He feels Minato nod into his shoulder.

_ What a wonder,  _ Ryoji thinks as he dozes off.  _ What a- _

\--

“What a  _ shame _ ,” Nyx says. Her words ooze in the air, fester there like poison. Ryoji looks up at her and cannot make her out. She is the end, after all. He knows what that looks like, a lifetime of being Death etched into his now only human brain, but-

He cannot make her out. He cannot remember.

“You fell,” what could be her hand cups his face, blue and red and orange blood dripping off the black tendril and onto Ryoji’s skin. He muffles a scream.

“I,” he says. She shushes him.

“You were mine,” she says. “And now you are not. A shame.”

“What do you mean,” he says, voice barely a whisper. 

“You were never meant to assume that form,” she tells him. “The second you assumed a human’s face, you were lost to me.”

“It’s not my fault,” he says. So sure of it.   
“Do not pretend you wanted me to succeed,” she hisses. Ryoji has never heard her voice change tone, not once. “Do not lie to me, Thanatos.”

“That’s not my name,” he says, because it’s important she knows. “I am no longer chained to you.”

“No,” she retracts her hand, and it morphs into a sickly, writhing mass of flesh. The smell makes him feel sick. “No, I suppose you’re not.” She looks at him, eyes upon eyes popping from what could be her face.

“What do you want,” he asks. He can barely breathe.

“Nothing,” she says. “You are no longer chained to me,” she repeats his sentence back at him. “But you will never forget what it means to be Death.”

“I wasn’t counting on it,” he says. He doesn’t remember falling to his knees. Something rises out of him, from his soul, writhing. Fat, black splotches of liquid fall on to his skin. Ryoji looks up.

Thanatos hovers there. From the holes in his mask, the liquid drips out.   
He’s crying, or something akin to it. Nyx watches as Ryoji reaches his hand up, and Thanatos leans down to meet his touch. Ryoji cups his face in his own hands.

“Go,” he tells him. He thinks selfish and human,  _ free me of this burden. _ He says, “but do not let me forget what I almost did.”

Thanatos screams, ripping himself free from Ryoji’s hold. Ryoji awakens with it in his throat. 

\--

The headaches subside. Sort of. He continues to take the medication, because the doctor asks him to, but they continue far less intense than before, even without the effects of the medication for the next week and a half, and then they are gone.

 

_ Do you think they’ll come back?   _ Minato asks him. They’re sprawled out in the lounge taking up both of of the couches, most of the dorm’s residents in the kitchen. The seniors are moving out this week. Ryoji shrugs.   
He told him about the dream, because he’d woken up screaming and shaking in Minato’s arms. It wasn’t something that was avoidable.

“Maybe,” he settles on. “I think I’ll always have to deal with the consequences of what almost was, in some way.”

_ I suppose that’s how it should be,  _ Minato says. He looks impassive.

“But I think accepting it helped,” Ryoji continues. “Or whatever happened there.”

“I think it sounds crazy,” Minako says from where she’s perched on the arm of the sofa. “Headaches because you know too much? From being too smart?”

_ That’s what I said,  _ Minato signs enthusiastically. Ryoji bites back a smile.

“I’m very talented,” he says. “It makes sense.”

“Ha ha,” Minako says. 

“Come and eat dinner!” Akihiko calls from the kitchen.

Ryoji gets up and lets himself be lead to the table. Thinks about the year ahead.

_ This is how it should be,  _ he thinks. And then,  _ I’m glad I’m human, after all. _ _   
_ \--

(The headaches do come back, plague Ryoji for the rest of his life, but they’re manageable. They become far less intense, turning into migraines. Minato dims the lights in their apartment and holds him through every single one.)


End file.
